The other day as I was getting ready, I looked in the mirror and felt overwhelmed with life. I'm in my 30s and my face seems to be a contradiction of itself- breakouts like I'm still in middle school combined with newly formed laugh lines and crows feet. My body is a far cry from what it used to be after 4 pregnancies- 3 of which were within a 2-year span, 2 of which resulted in miscarriages. Though I lost the mere 7 pounds I had gained during my fourth pregnancy rather quickly, I'm still working on the leftovers from my pregnancy with Will, our 19-month-old. My efforts over the past couple months have been successful and I'm headed in the right direction, but just once I'd like to finish a workout, immediately turn to the side while looking at myself in the mirror, and be able to think, "Hey! Those crunches really worked!" Unfortunately, that's not the way it works, and the same goes for parenting. We do our best to teach our kids what we think they need to know in life, but for the time being we have no clue if it's getting through or how they'll turn out as adults.
So there I was, frustrated with life in general, and I asked God for a Word. Something that would speak to me, encourage me, tell me it all counts for something and that my efforts of parenting, exercising, trying to honor and love my husband, and all the other big and small things of day-to-day life are worth it. I was listening to K-Love on my iPhone app (because the greater Washington, D.C. area doesn't have a station- what's up with that?) and the song "The Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns was playing. I looked down at the screen and saw the verse of the day was Galatians 6:9, which says, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." I attended a Christian high school where we had a science teacher, Mr. Owen, who had us memorize this verse and write it at the end of every quiz and test he gave us. So to me this verse has always had a specific meaning for me- study hard, get a good grade. Now, I realize that's not the point of the Scripture or even what Mr. Owen was trying to teach us, but that has always been my association for it. But as I listened to the words of that song, thought about the verse, and reviewed my life as it is right now, I realized that the voice of Truth, the voice of the Lord, was telling me that what I'm doing right now matters. Doing the little things to make my husband happy- fixing the coffee at night so he can have a hot cup first thing in the morning, making the bed every day before he gets home from work, doing my best to manage our finances wisely while I'm shopping at the commissary or Target; working out and eating healthy not to look hot or turn heads, but to set a good example for my children and take care of this bodily temple in which resides the Holy Spirit; loving my children- whether that comes in the form of playing on the floor with them, letting them figure things out on their own so they can become independent, or disciplining them even when it hurts...these things matter. What could be more important to me than raising my children to walk with the Lord?
It has taken weeks- months even- of hard work, but the weight I gained while pregnant is coming off, and I'm feeling healthier. My husband says my countenance has changed. He actually used that word- countenance. He also thanks me repeatedly for taking care of the coffee, because it's one less responsibility on his very full plate. Our boys love each other- immensely- and our older son Charlie asks deep, and I mean deep, theological questions, because we are talking about God with him all the time. Any chance we have to tie something to the Bible or God's character, we do. And I'm noticing it. There are certainly days when I look at myself and feel like all my hard work in so many areas isn't making a dent in the big scheme of things, but the Bible promises, specifically in Galatians 6:9, that it will pay off...if we do not give up. It just may not happen when I want it to. But if I stick with it, if I persevere, forge ahead even when I don't feel like it, God will be faithful to bring about change in my life and the life of my family. And that, I know without a doubt, is truth.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Mommy Rules
Mommy Rules
There are a few "mommy rules" I've come up with over the past 6 years of my parenting experience. I know parenting is a fluid thing; methods and expectations change as your kids grow and change. But there are some things life has taught me- a few are my own personal guidelines and some I learned from friends or even my own parents.
1) When you wake up with a child in the middle of the night, always go to the bathroom before tending to them. Always. EVERY single time I break this rule of mine, I regret it. Those are the times you don't just have to locate the pacifier and return it to your wailing baby; those are the times your baby is screaming because a tooth is trying to poke its way through their gums and you can't find the Orajel and you fear if you stop to take a potty break their head might actually explode because they're crying so hard. Those are the times you go in to find vomit all over your toddler's crib and they refuse to let you put them down, your husband is TDY, and you have to change their sheets one-handed.
This mommy rule leads me to a mommy truth I realized one day when I was putting our 18-month-old down for a nap and he needed a little rocking before willingly going to bed. We had just gotten home and I carried his almost-limp body to his room; I needed to pee but didn't want to delay the putting-to-bed process for fear that day's nap might not happen at all. Mom's have more bladder control than they ever knew possible. You will do anything, even consider how bad it would be if you actually peed your pants in your 30s (without sneezing or jumping first), before disrupting that almost-asleep child in your arms. Thankfully I was able to get him settled before I had to do a deep-cleaning of our rocking chair.
2) Trust your instincts. Doctors are smart people, and they have a lot of great knowledge and information floating around in their heads. Friends and family love you and want to help. But you are your child's parent. You know them better than anyone else...you can read their body language, interpret their babbles, and understand each of their different cries. You know when your kindergartener has a reason to want to exaggerate his aches and pains, or minimize them- a fear of medical treatment or of missing out on an anticipated activity. If you think something is wrong, bug the doctors until they're willing to listen. If you know everything is normal, ignore the well-intentioned musings of others. This isn't to say you shouldn't seek advice or help from others, or that parents aren't sometimes in denial about the truth about their kids. But generally speaking, mommy (or daddy) knows best. So work under that assumption. It will seriously decrease your mommy guilt.
3) Speaking of mommy guilt, breathe. I know there is so much out there to distract us these days, and I do believe that when we're with our kids we should do our best to be with our kids. Most of the time. But sometimes we need to NOT be with our kids. When Charlie was an infant and toddler, he was a great napper: same time almost every day, for the same amount of time almost every day. I was a seriously blessed first-time mommy. But some days he refused to nap, or for whatever reason would fight sleep with screaming and crying. Those were always the days I needed a break, a chance to breathe. A friend gave me great advice that I've shared with lots of friends since then- put him in the crib and step outside. Take the monitor, but turn it off. I would take a book, sit on our back porch, and read a chapter at a time. After each chapter, I would turn the monitor back on to see if it was "safe" to go inside- if I could go in and not have to listen to his screaming. I would set a chapter limit for myself-usually about 5, which would take about 30 minutes for me to read. I figured by the end of half an hour, if he was asleep that was great; if he wasn't, I'd had a good break with some quiet time to myself and could go back and start fresh with him. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder; I believe this is true with kids and not just adults. Taking a few minutes to breathe and regroup will make you a better mom, and help keep you from feeling resentful or overwhelmed during the day.
4) Don't underestimate daddy guilt. So much talk is taking place about mommy guilt, I think people underestimate the reality of daddy guilt. For some it's because they're the main caregiver, which I'm sure comes with its own set of issues. Not being the sole provider, or not having the traditional role as the man and head of the family may bother some men. And those men have the equivalent of stay-at-home mommy guilt on top of that. The daddy guilt that takes place in our home is my husband wondering if he's spending enough time after work and over the weekends with our kids; wondering if he's asking too much to play golf every now and then on the weekend, or to go to the gym a few times a week before heading home for dinner. I know my husband experiences these fears because of how many times he asks if it's okay for him to make a run to Home Depot or Lowe's before he actually gets in his truck and goes. While I sometimes am jealous of his ability to take for granted his time alone in traffic at the end of a hectic work day (which he despises), I need to remember that he has a load of responsibility on his shoulders I can't even fathom, and I don't need to add to his frustrations and fears by dogging him about doing more.
5) Take advantage of nice weather. This seems obvious, but it's easy for me to get bogged down in daily tasks and trying to cross things off my to-do list and forget to let my kids be kids and enjoy the great outdoors. Even if it means I make a freezer meal for dinner that night or skip vacuuming the floors that day, we will all be happier and healthier (and don't forget sleep better) if we've had a little exercise out in the sunshine.
6) Tell your kids they can never do anything to make you stop loving them. And mean it. I was told this many times growing up, often after a teary discussion about whatever discipline I was receiving for my disobedience or a lecture on why my parents were disappointed in my behavior. Sometimes in a mushy mother-daughter moment. But I always knew my parents loved me and that it wouldn't change for anything. Not only did that knowledge give me a sense of security growing up, but it drove me to want to please my parents even more by obeying them.
7) Never be jealous when your children willingly go to other people or seem to prefer being with them because they'll always love you best. This is a lesson my Granny taught my mom, and my mom taught me. And reminding myself of this helps me be able to hand my kids over to the nursery workers at church on Sunday mornings, leave them with trustworthy babysitters, and allow people who need to be part of their lives that I don't have the best of relationships with to hold and play with them. Being loved by more people than just those in your home will give your children a sense of love and acceptance they need and crave. But you're they're mommy- they'll always love you best.
8) My mom once wisely told me that I didn't need to share my negative opinions about others with my kids. She said they're smart, they'll figure it out on their own. And you know what? She's right. I'm sure they will as they grow up and learn to hear more than just the words being said, but what's behind them. If the time comes when they're mature enough to know the truth about certain histories and those truths will guide them in making positive life decisions, then we can share those things. But for the meantime, it's my responsibility to let them enjoy the harmless positive attention they receive from those people.
9) If you teach your kids to behave in your home the way you want them to behave in others' homes, life will be so much simpler. There will always be those who expect more of your children than you do, and there will always be those who allow your children (or theirs) to be animals compared to what you would expect. But if you train your kids to act appropriately on a regular basis while at home, then when you send them out into the world- school, church, friends' homes, you don't need to wait with baited breath to see what the adults who've been supervising them have to say about how they were. You may even be pleasantly surprised at the compliments you receive over their behavior.
10) Pray for your children. This is really the most important of all- because as much as we want to put a bubble around them to protect them from the evil in this world, we can't. But we can send them out of our homes knowing they're being protected by One who loves them even more than we do and wants no harm to come to them. That doesn't mean it won't. They will still get sick, be teased, have trouble in school...but they will be in the care of the One who created them. And I can't think of anything better than that.
There are a few "mommy rules" I've come up with over the past 6 years of my parenting experience. I know parenting is a fluid thing; methods and expectations change as your kids grow and change. But there are some things life has taught me- a few are my own personal guidelines and some I learned from friends or even my own parents.
1) When you wake up with a child in the middle of the night, always go to the bathroom before tending to them. Always. EVERY single time I break this rule of mine, I regret it. Those are the times you don't just have to locate the pacifier and return it to your wailing baby; those are the times your baby is screaming because a tooth is trying to poke its way through their gums and you can't find the Orajel and you fear if you stop to take a potty break their head might actually explode because they're crying so hard. Those are the times you go in to find vomit all over your toddler's crib and they refuse to let you put them down, your husband is TDY, and you have to change their sheets one-handed.
This mommy rule leads me to a mommy truth I realized one day when I was putting our 18-month-old down for a nap and he needed a little rocking before willingly going to bed. We had just gotten home and I carried his almost-limp body to his room; I needed to pee but didn't want to delay the putting-to-bed process for fear that day's nap might not happen at all. Mom's have more bladder control than they ever knew possible. You will do anything, even consider how bad it would be if you actually peed your pants in your 30s (without sneezing or jumping first), before disrupting that almost-asleep child in your arms. Thankfully I was able to get him settled before I had to do a deep-cleaning of our rocking chair.
2) Trust your instincts. Doctors are smart people, and they have a lot of great knowledge and information floating around in their heads. Friends and family love you and want to help. But you are your child's parent. You know them better than anyone else...you can read their body language, interpret their babbles, and understand each of their different cries. You know when your kindergartener has a reason to want to exaggerate his aches and pains, or minimize them- a fear of medical treatment or of missing out on an anticipated activity. If you think something is wrong, bug the doctors until they're willing to listen. If you know everything is normal, ignore the well-intentioned musings of others. This isn't to say you shouldn't seek advice or help from others, or that parents aren't sometimes in denial about the truth about their kids. But generally speaking, mommy (or daddy) knows best. So work under that assumption. It will seriously decrease your mommy guilt.
3) Speaking of mommy guilt, breathe. I know there is so much out there to distract us these days, and I do believe that when we're with our kids we should do our best to be with our kids. Most of the time. But sometimes we need to NOT be with our kids. When Charlie was an infant and toddler, he was a great napper: same time almost every day, for the same amount of time almost every day. I was a seriously blessed first-time mommy. But some days he refused to nap, or for whatever reason would fight sleep with screaming and crying. Those were always the days I needed a break, a chance to breathe. A friend gave me great advice that I've shared with lots of friends since then- put him in the crib and step outside. Take the monitor, but turn it off. I would take a book, sit on our back porch, and read a chapter at a time. After each chapter, I would turn the monitor back on to see if it was "safe" to go inside- if I could go in and not have to listen to his screaming. I would set a chapter limit for myself-usually about 5, which would take about 30 minutes for me to read. I figured by the end of half an hour, if he was asleep that was great; if he wasn't, I'd had a good break with some quiet time to myself and could go back and start fresh with him. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder; I believe this is true with kids and not just adults. Taking a few minutes to breathe and regroup will make you a better mom, and help keep you from feeling resentful or overwhelmed during the day.
4) Don't underestimate daddy guilt. So much talk is taking place about mommy guilt, I think people underestimate the reality of daddy guilt. For some it's because they're the main caregiver, which I'm sure comes with its own set of issues. Not being the sole provider, or not having the traditional role as the man and head of the family may bother some men. And those men have the equivalent of stay-at-home mommy guilt on top of that. The daddy guilt that takes place in our home is my husband wondering if he's spending enough time after work and over the weekends with our kids; wondering if he's asking too much to play golf every now and then on the weekend, or to go to the gym a few times a week before heading home for dinner. I know my husband experiences these fears because of how many times he asks if it's okay for him to make a run to Home Depot or Lowe's before he actually gets in his truck and goes. While I sometimes am jealous of his ability to take for granted his time alone in traffic at the end of a hectic work day (which he despises), I need to remember that he has a load of responsibility on his shoulders I can't even fathom, and I don't need to add to his frustrations and fears by dogging him about doing more.
5) Take advantage of nice weather. This seems obvious, but it's easy for me to get bogged down in daily tasks and trying to cross things off my to-do list and forget to let my kids be kids and enjoy the great outdoors. Even if it means I make a freezer meal for dinner that night or skip vacuuming the floors that day, we will all be happier and healthier (and don't forget sleep better) if we've had a little exercise out in the sunshine.
6) Tell your kids they can never do anything to make you stop loving them. And mean it. I was told this many times growing up, often after a teary discussion about whatever discipline I was receiving for my disobedience or a lecture on why my parents were disappointed in my behavior. Sometimes in a mushy mother-daughter moment. But I always knew my parents loved me and that it wouldn't change for anything. Not only did that knowledge give me a sense of security growing up, but it drove me to want to please my parents even more by obeying them.
7) Never be jealous when your children willingly go to other people or seem to prefer being with them because they'll always love you best. This is a lesson my Granny taught my mom, and my mom taught me. And reminding myself of this helps me be able to hand my kids over to the nursery workers at church on Sunday mornings, leave them with trustworthy babysitters, and allow people who need to be part of their lives that I don't have the best of relationships with to hold and play with them. Being loved by more people than just those in your home will give your children a sense of love and acceptance they need and crave. But you're they're mommy- they'll always love you best.
8) My mom once wisely told me that I didn't need to share my negative opinions about others with my kids. She said they're smart, they'll figure it out on their own. And you know what? She's right. I'm sure they will as they grow up and learn to hear more than just the words being said, but what's behind them. If the time comes when they're mature enough to know the truth about certain histories and those truths will guide them in making positive life decisions, then we can share those things. But for the meantime, it's my responsibility to let them enjoy the harmless positive attention they receive from those people.
9) If you teach your kids to behave in your home the way you want them to behave in others' homes, life will be so much simpler. There will always be those who expect more of your children than you do, and there will always be those who allow your children (or theirs) to be animals compared to what you would expect. But if you train your kids to act appropriately on a regular basis while at home, then when you send them out into the world- school, church, friends' homes, you don't need to wait with baited breath to see what the adults who've been supervising them have to say about how they were. You may even be pleasantly surprised at the compliments you receive over their behavior.
10) Pray for your children. This is really the most important of all- because as much as we want to put a bubble around them to protect them from the evil in this world, we can't. But we can send them out of our homes knowing they're being protected by One who loves them even more than we do and wants no harm to come to them. That doesn't mean it won't. They will still get sick, be teased, have trouble in school...but they will be in the care of the One who created them. And I can't think of anything better than that.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Pain is relative. God's love is not. That isn't to say certain things are or should always be felt more intensely than others. But the event that causes excruciating emotional pain to some might be just a drop in the bucket to others. The reverse is also true. Our family learned this lesson the hard way in 2012. After just having moved cross-country from California, where we lived for 6 years (as per the military's orders), we settled into our first place as home-owners in Virginia. Within a few weeks of getting here, we found out I was pregnant. Our initial reaction was shock, mainly because our experience was that it takes us an average of 2 years to get pregnant. And in fairness because our second son was not yet 1 year old (that would happen the next month we were here) and we simply didn't expect to have 2 babies so close together. But we trusted God's timing and plan, and finally started getting used to the idea of being a family of 5. At 8 weeks we heard a strong heartbeat, and again at 15, which was a huge relief after losing our second baby 8 weeks into the pregnancy. I had a funny feeling a few weeks after that 15- week appointment but figured it was paranoia after having miscarried once already. I wasn't feeling much movement and was more exhausted than I'd ever been in my life, but chalked that up to keeping up with a very busy toddler, homeschooling a kindergartener, and settling into a new home and all that entails. Unfortunately, when I went to my next appointment at 19 weeks, the baby had no heartbeat. Now, you may wonder why I say pain is relative after having experienced such a loss. I will tell you. While in many ways this loss was much harder than our first miscarriage- I was further along in the pregnancy, I was just getting used to the idea that I was in fact pregnant (vs before when I readily accepted it after waiting so long), I was a week away from the gender-revealing ultrasound, I had started mentally decorating the nursery for either gender, and we had made plans to rearrange 3 of 4 bedrooms in our house to accommodate our newest family member- it wasn't our first loss. I don't think anything can compare to the pain of losing a child, along with your hopes, plans and dreams, for the first time. It had never occurred to me that I might actually miscarry at some point. In fact, I knew so many others who had that I figured statistics were on my side and we were safe. So when it happened that first time, I experienced more shock and denial than anything. This loss was, in some ways, less painful for me because a friend who ministered to us immediately after shared her story of loss- she got to hold her precious child for 2 hours before he passed away. How could I possibly know the pain she had experienced? God showed me His mercy to us in our pain- we could adopt some distance from our hurt because we never got to hold our child in our arms then have to give him up. He was also merciful in not revealing to us the baby's gender. While this may have consoled some people, I believe it would only have made our loss that much more poignant. To some, losing a grandparent might be more painful than losing a parent if that grandparent raised them. For others, financial insecurity might be more difficult to handle. Whatever the case, as I look forward to what the new year holds, I hope I am able to be sensitive to the pain of others, and not try to compare it with mine, but to love them as God always does. Fully, completely, and unconditionally. Because no matter how big or small our circumstances, His love is always the same because He is always the same.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
My Dad's the man
My Dad is the man...he's the man you want-on your team, as your teacher, on your side, in your family, and as part of your life.
When my Dad's on your team, you're almost guaranteed to win. Seriously. If it's sports (basketball in particular), he'll work harder than anyone else out there, and in his early 60s he's still going strong. He has several medals and trophies to prove it. From church basketball leagues to the Senior World Games (formerly called the Senior Olympics), he's played against and with men of all ages and manages to keep up with them. My family had the privilege of watching him play, and win a bronze medal, along with his team in the Senior World Games at Stanford University a few years ago. Those poor college kids who volunteered to ref and keep score had no clue what they were getting themselves into! This wasn't a bunch of geezers with walkers and canes hoping to relive a smidgen of their youths. These were inspirational seniors-in some sports categories people were competing in their 90s-who continue to live active lifestyles and get a kick out of the competition. If it's a board game you're playing, you definitely want my Dad on your team. Because if he doesn't know the answer, he'll take a stab in the dark AND GET IT RIGHT. It's ridiculous, and I'm not sure how he does it, but he somehow has all that useless (unless you're playing Trivial Pursuit) information floating around in his head and can pull it out at exactly the right moment. You also want him on your team when you're playing cards. He'll start the game not remembering how to play and by the end he's whipped you. It's awful and amazing all at the same time.
When my Dad is your teacher, he has seemingly endless patience and is able to explain, slowly, clearly and concisely, what you need to know. He was a teacher in his former life and I can only imagine how much his students loved being in his class. He has this uncanny ability to instill confidence in you without saying a word, and allows you to practice your new skills and knowledge out without making you feel pressured or insecure. I'm pretty sure he can teach just about anyone how to drive (just ask my friend Sarah Johnston!) For now he's a Sunday school teacher, but I hope he gets the opportunity to teach and/or coach as a profession again someday.
You want my Dad on your side. He's no fair-weather fan, and once he's started cheering for you he'll never stop. If only the Spurs knew how faithful he's been, even before they were in the NBA and were an ABA team. He may get frustrated or angry, feel let-down or hurt, but he will never, ever give up on you. He'll turn right around and encourage you to pick yourself up and go after it once more. Just ask all the televisions my parents have owned over the years! The stories they could tell about him and ESPN.
I'm not sure all my Dad's family members realize what they have in him, but I hope they do. He loves deeply and unconditionally, prays fervently, and cares much more than most people probably realize. He's a fairly quiet man, but as my Mom says, "Still waters run deep." This is no more true of anyone than him. It takes a lot for him to show emotion, but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. Even though I'm now a parent myself, I'm pretty sure he loves me more than I'll ever truly know.
No matter what role he plays, you want my Dad as part of your life. He's funny. Quick-witted. Caring. Godly. Honest. Patient. Kind. He knows more about the Bible than most people, yet he continues to study it because he wants to know more; to know God more. My Dad is slow to anger-a trait I definitely (and unfortunately) did not inherit from him. He works hard-and I mean hard-to do his job well. He goes out of his way to please his employer and his customers, as well as everyone else in his life. He's giving to a fault. Above all else, my Dad is that person-the one that people want to know. Even if they don't realize it because he's not outgoing enough for them to see it. It's like he's (*humbly*-ahem) teaching his 5 grandsons to say, "Pepaw is the best!"
When my Dad's on your team, you're almost guaranteed to win. Seriously. If it's sports (basketball in particular), he'll work harder than anyone else out there, and in his early 60s he's still going strong. He has several medals and trophies to prove it. From church basketball leagues to the Senior World Games (formerly called the Senior Olympics), he's played against and with men of all ages and manages to keep up with them. My family had the privilege of watching him play, and win a bronze medal, along with his team in the Senior World Games at Stanford University a few years ago. Those poor college kids who volunteered to ref and keep score had no clue what they were getting themselves into! This wasn't a bunch of geezers with walkers and canes hoping to relive a smidgen of their youths. These were inspirational seniors-in some sports categories people were competing in their 90s-who continue to live active lifestyles and get a kick out of the competition. If it's a board game you're playing, you definitely want my Dad on your team. Because if he doesn't know the answer, he'll take a stab in the dark AND GET IT RIGHT. It's ridiculous, and I'm not sure how he does it, but he somehow has all that useless (unless you're playing Trivial Pursuit) information floating around in his head and can pull it out at exactly the right moment. You also want him on your team when you're playing cards. He'll start the game not remembering how to play and by the end he's whipped you. It's awful and amazing all at the same time.
When my Dad is your teacher, he has seemingly endless patience and is able to explain, slowly, clearly and concisely, what you need to know. He was a teacher in his former life and I can only imagine how much his students loved being in his class. He has this uncanny ability to instill confidence in you without saying a word, and allows you to practice your new skills and knowledge out without making you feel pressured or insecure. I'm pretty sure he can teach just about anyone how to drive (just ask my friend Sarah Johnston!) For now he's a Sunday school teacher, but I hope he gets the opportunity to teach and/or coach as a profession again someday.
You want my Dad on your side. He's no fair-weather fan, and once he's started cheering for you he'll never stop. If only the Spurs knew how faithful he's been, even before they were in the NBA and were an ABA team. He may get frustrated or angry, feel let-down or hurt, but he will never, ever give up on you. He'll turn right around and encourage you to pick yourself up and go after it once more. Just ask all the televisions my parents have owned over the years! The stories they could tell about him and ESPN.
I'm not sure all my Dad's family members realize what they have in him, but I hope they do. He loves deeply and unconditionally, prays fervently, and cares much more than most people probably realize. He's a fairly quiet man, but as my Mom says, "Still waters run deep." This is no more true of anyone than him. It takes a lot for him to show emotion, but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. Even though I'm now a parent myself, I'm pretty sure he loves me more than I'll ever truly know.
No matter what role he plays, you want my Dad as part of your life. He's funny. Quick-witted. Caring. Godly. Honest. Patient. Kind. He knows more about the Bible than most people, yet he continues to study it because he wants to know more; to know God more. My Dad is slow to anger-a trait I definitely (and unfortunately) did not inherit from him. He works hard-and I mean hard-to do his job well. He goes out of his way to please his employer and his customers, as well as everyone else in his life. He's giving to a fault. Above all else, my Dad is that person-the one that people want to know. Even if they don't realize it because he's not outgoing enough for them to see it. It's like he's (*humbly*-ahem) teaching his 5 grandsons to say, "Pepaw is the best!"
Monday, December 17, 2012
Things I learned this weekend
This weekend we hosted friends we met during our first Air Force assignment in Dover, Delaware. When we met them, we were at a stage in life where we were first married, without children, and able to spend lots of time together relatively uninhibited, which allowed us to form bonds that seem much harder to replicate at this point in our lives. The women of this group are referred to by one of our moms as "the fab 5." We completely agree and have adopted this nickname for ourselves. Each year we do our best to have some sort of reunion with as many of us as possible, kids included when we can. This year God has done some amazing things in our lives-especially the lives of one of the families in particular-and we had to get together and celebrate! I realized as the weekend was coming to a close that I had learned some new things and was reminded of things I've known for awhile. Here are some of them:
When you are with friends as amazing as these, funny things are funnier, food tastes better, and burdens are lighter. I learned that Betty Crocker's gluten-free cupcakes are actually quite tasty, as is Domino's Pizza's gluten-free crust. It's still really fun to wear matching pajamas, even in your 30s (and even if they are 3 sizes too big)! A mother's love can transcend anything, and can come upon someone in the blink of an eye. I realized I love and miss not just these ladies, but their families too. I realized I see myself as more beautiful when I'm with them because I see myself in them, as they see me, as their close friend-and if they're so beautiful, I must be as well because I'm part of them. I was reminded of how much you can love someone who isn't part of your flesh and blood family.
More than anything, though, I was reminded of God's sovereignty and perfect timing. He ordained our 5 families being stationed at the same time in Dover, Delaware. He could have put us anywhere, but we were at a small base where our lives were bound to overlap. Our husbands were all assigned to fly the same plane. The wives were all in the same Bible study group. We didn't have to get babysitters and fight traffic to hang out. Four of the families lived on base, the fifth just a few miles away. We watched out for one another, helped out when husbands were TDY and yards needed mowing or sidewalks needed to be shoveled, fed lonely spouses and took care of one anothers' pets. These relationships were founded in our common relationships with the Lord, and we continued to cultivate them after we had moved to new bases, our husbands doing different jobs, most of us starting families and generally getting busier lives. After 8 long years of all of us praying for one family in particular, God blessed them with a precious baby girl. Because the rest of us have been anxiously awaiting the chance to shower them with gifts, there was no way we could pass up the opportunity to quickly plan a reunion. God made it such that all 5 of our schedules aligned so we could be together just a week and a half before Christmas-what are the odds?!?-and meet their precious daughter. Along with showering TJ and Michelle with gifts for their beautiful new baby Ruth, we had the opportunity to give Molly gifts for her fourth child-a girl! After her three amazing sons, we were so excited to inundate her with pink! We also got to meet Devon's 4-month-old son, Henry, who is the sweetest little thing. Sarah got to appreciate the fact that she doesn't have a new baby or one on the way. And I got to heal some more after our losing a baby 19 weeks into my pregnancy just a few months ago.
On top of all this, our 5-year-old son Charlie was able to see the fruition of his prayers and the tangible answer from God. You see, just about 3 months ago, my 2 sons and I drove to New Jersey to visit Michelle while both our husbands were TDY. It was such a sweet time of reunion for Michelle and me, and a chance for the boys (Charlie especially) to fall in love with Michelle the way anyone does when they meet her. After that week, we started including Charlie in our fervent prayers that God would bless TJ and Michelle with a baby. Within a month, they were asking us to pray that a particular birth mom would choose them to raise her child. Within weeks of that call, they were taking that child home from the hospital. And this weekend, Charlie got to hold that baby in his arms, and feel the presence of God's love and faithfulness. I am so thankful for how God's plans and timing work out, and that in one single moment prayers can be answered, hopes can be fulfilled, dreams can be realized, hurts can start to heal, and children can realize the reality of His presence in their lives and the lives of others. My husband told me after everyone had left for their separate corners of the country that at one point during the weekend Charlie said he had a secret. He whispered to his daddy, "Every time I see Ruth I can't stop smiling." I feel exactly the same way.
When you are with friends as amazing as these, funny things are funnier, food tastes better, and burdens are lighter. I learned that Betty Crocker's gluten-free cupcakes are actually quite tasty, as is Domino's Pizza's gluten-free crust. It's still really fun to wear matching pajamas, even in your 30s (and even if they are 3 sizes too big)! A mother's love can transcend anything, and can come upon someone in the blink of an eye. I realized I love and miss not just these ladies, but their families too. I realized I see myself as more beautiful when I'm with them because I see myself in them, as they see me, as their close friend-and if they're so beautiful, I must be as well because I'm part of them. I was reminded of how much you can love someone who isn't part of your flesh and blood family.
More than anything, though, I was reminded of God's sovereignty and perfect timing. He ordained our 5 families being stationed at the same time in Dover, Delaware. He could have put us anywhere, but we were at a small base where our lives were bound to overlap. Our husbands were all assigned to fly the same plane. The wives were all in the same Bible study group. We didn't have to get babysitters and fight traffic to hang out. Four of the families lived on base, the fifth just a few miles away. We watched out for one another, helped out when husbands were TDY and yards needed mowing or sidewalks needed to be shoveled, fed lonely spouses and took care of one anothers' pets. These relationships were founded in our common relationships with the Lord, and we continued to cultivate them after we had moved to new bases, our husbands doing different jobs, most of us starting families and generally getting busier lives. After 8 long years of all of us praying for one family in particular, God blessed them with a precious baby girl. Because the rest of us have been anxiously awaiting the chance to shower them with gifts, there was no way we could pass up the opportunity to quickly plan a reunion. God made it such that all 5 of our schedules aligned so we could be together just a week and a half before Christmas-what are the odds?!?-and meet their precious daughter. Along with showering TJ and Michelle with gifts for their beautiful new baby Ruth, we had the opportunity to give Molly gifts for her fourth child-a girl! After her three amazing sons, we were so excited to inundate her with pink! We also got to meet Devon's 4-month-old son, Henry, who is the sweetest little thing. Sarah got to appreciate the fact that she doesn't have a new baby or one on the way. And I got to heal some more after our losing a baby 19 weeks into my pregnancy just a few months ago.
On top of all this, our 5-year-old son Charlie was able to see the fruition of his prayers and the tangible answer from God. You see, just about 3 months ago, my 2 sons and I drove to New Jersey to visit Michelle while both our husbands were TDY. It was such a sweet time of reunion for Michelle and me, and a chance for the boys (Charlie especially) to fall in love with Michelle the way anyone does when they meet her. After that week, we started including Charlie in our fervent prayers that God would bless TJ and Michelle with a baby. Within a month, they were asking us to pray that a particular birth mom would choose them to raise her child. Within weeks of that call, they were taking that child home from the hospital. And this weekend, Charlie got to hold that baby in his arms, and feel the presence of God's love and faithfulness. I am so thankful for how God's plans and timing work out, and that in one single moment prayers can be answered, hopes can be fulfilled, dreams can be realized, hurts can start to heal, and children can realize the reality of His presence in their lives and the lives of others. My husband told me after everyone had left for their separate corners of the country that at one point during the weekend Charlie said he had a secret. He whispered to his daddy, "Every time I see Ruth I can't stop smiling." I feel exactly the same way.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Military spouses are often considered “warriors on the
homefront” or something along those lines.
I suppose it’s true-while our spouses are out fighting our country’s
wars, we are at home fighting life’s battles.
Maintain the household: make sure bills are paid on time, clean the
house, raise the kids; and oftentimes hold down (another) full-time job on top
of all that. This is usually in a place foreign to us-whether it’s on the
opposite side of the country or around the world from where we grew up, which
means we don’t often have family nearby for moral support (or babysitting). We move every few years so we learn to adapt
to new surroundings, try our hardest to make new friends as quickly as
possible, and rely on technology to keep us in touch with loved ones who are
far away. In this regard I’m most
definitely a reluctant warrior. I vowed
I’d never marry someone in the military (never say never!) and I certainly
never wish for my husband to have to leave us for any length of time, thereby
making me a “homefront warrior.”
The other part of who I am the makes me a “warrior” is the
fact that I’m a Bible-believing, born again Christian. I accepted Christ into my life as my Savior
at the age of 8. I am so fortunate to
have been raised by amazing, loving, Godly parents, and influenced by many
other strong Christians, such as my mom’s mom (my Granny). Ephesians 6 tells Christians to “put on the
full armor of God” and how to do that.
It says that we aren’t fighting against mankind (flesh and blood) but
against Satan. While I am in no way
reluctant about my faith in Christ or to admit I need Him to be saved from my
sins, I confess I am sometimes reluctant to endure the pain of this life, to
share the Good News with the lost, and to bear the cross of Christ. However, it is my sincere prayer that I AM
able to endure life’s hurts so that others may see the work of the Holy Spirit
in me-His ability to bring joy in times of sorrow and peace in times of pain or
fear; that I am willing and able to share IN LOVE the message of salvation to
those who are lost, despite the cost to myself or my relationship with those
people; and that I will bear the cross of Christ, no matter how heavy it may
seem. Because the Lord has promised that
His “yoke is easy” and His “burden is light” (Matt. 11:30). I need simply to
trade mine for His.
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