Words They Need to Hear

It occurred to me recently that I have become the mom who spends most of her time trying to manage her kids and move them on to the next thing, rather than the mom who spends most of her time with her kids.  I realize there are times when you have to be that mom, entire days even, simply because life is life and that is sometimes how it goes.  But I don't want to be the mom I had become: hurry up and eat breakfast in front of the TV while I get ready so we can run errands; hurry up (Will) and take a nap so Charlie can do schoolwork uninterrupted; hurry up (Will) and wake up from naptime so I can vacuum or take a walk or do something else that naptime inhibits; hurry up and eat dinner so we can bathe you both and put you to bed.  I realized I was spending so little time actually talking to or with my kids, and was mostly talking at them.  More like yelling, if I'm being honest.  But kids need to hear our words.  They get to where there is so much noise coming at them that they start to tune us out.  And we only have so much time to tell them so many things.  Soon they'll be hearing what other people have to say, and they won't be yelled at.  These things will be whispered into their minds, thoughts that they aren't loved, aren't special, aren't smart or funny or worthy.  Those are the things that will take a foothold if we aren't careful.  Before the world starts trying to get a grasp on their minds and hearts, we need to help them find their identity and worth in something greater than what the world has to offer.  We need to say, "I love you."  There are no greater words our children can hear from us.  Knowing you're loved makes you feel special, important, worthy, cared for.  It gives an identity- a sense of belonging.  It tells them they're part of your family, whatever that may look like.  And when you're a part of something in which you know you're important, you are less likely to go look for that elsewhere. 

I'm ashamed to admit that I had failed to tell our 1 1/2 year old son that I loved him for several days in a row.  It hit me one day, and that was when I came to this conclusion.  I can give my boys all the hugs and kisses in the world, take them to do fun things, and tell them they're smart, funny, handsome and sweet- but if I neglect to tell them that I love them, none of the other stuff has any credence.  So tell your kids that you love them.  Every day.  It will cover a multitude of hurts and sadnesses, and will give them a platform from which they can go out into the big world and ward off those whispers that say anything to the contrary.