A few nights ago I went on the best date ever. I'm sure some of you have been on some really great- maybe even amazing- dates. But none of them can top mine. How do I know? I wasn't flown to Paris or taken on a shopping spree, but I WAS informed by my date MULTIPLE times that it was, in fact, "the best date ever." Who was this mystery date, you ask? It was my 6-year-old son, Charlie. Charlie is a logical thinker, insightful and discerning, a rule follower, and all-boy with a sensitive heart when it comes to both himself and others. I've done my best to pay special attention to him over the past nearly-2 years since his little brother was born, and my husband has taken him places (mostly Chipotle and The Home Depot) to be his "helper", which Charlie loves. But I didn't realize until Sunday night how much he's been craving some one-on-one time with his mommy, who he had 4 1/2 years with before Will came along.
Charlie picked out a Chili's gift card for me as part of my Mother's Day gift last month, and declared that it was for the 2 of us to go out by ourselves. I immediately agreed that would be an excellent idea and was regularly looking at our calendar for a time when we could make it happen. And Charlie certainly didn't forget. Like many 6-year-olds, his brain is a sponge, so once I told him we were on for a date, he wouldn't let me forget. We finally set a date and time (Sunday at 5 pm), and of course the destination had already been chosen.
Sunday morning came and our date was all Charlie could talk about! It was so cute seeing his excitement and anticipation over spending a few hours with just me. He's old enough to remember what life was like before Will, and to be honest, I figured he didn't miss it all that much. His intense love for and friendship with his little brother ("Mister" as Charlie calls him) in conjunction with my being there with him day in and day out led me to believe he gets enough of me as it is. Apparently I was wrong, and I'm so thankful I was. I'm also thankful he let me know just how wrong. All day, Charlie watched the clock and gave me updates on the time, or how much time left until our date began. We left the house a little later than expected, but come 5:30 we were finally out of there with Justin and Will heading inside for their own dinner.
The minute we got in the car, Charlie asked to play on my phone, which I figured was a bad sign, but I let him know it would be poor date etiquette, and that the purpose of a date is to spend time with someone else and get to know them better; I officially declared the evening a phone-free zone (aside from a few pictures I took). At Chili's, we discussed our orders together, went through the games on the kids' menu, and laughed over his drawing of himself fist-pumping (the directions were to draw yourself doing something you do well). I cracked up over that one, and I'm still sad 3 days later that I forgot to bring it home with me. I asked Charlie questions- nothing deep, just things like, "What's your favorite thing that mommy cooks?" (fishsticks and sandwiches...ugh!), and "What are you most looking forward to about going to first grade?" (making new friends). I gave him some basic advice about girls and dating (always treat every girl the same, no matter how others treat her or if you think she's pretty or mean; always open doors; get her home BEFORE her curfew, not right at it and certainly not after), but mostly we just talked and laughed. When I asked him if he could do anything what would it be, his response was, "Go on a date to Chili's with you." "No, seriously, if you could go anywhere? Like Hawai'i?" "Go on a date to Chili's with you in Hawai'i." I realize that today his answer to that question would probably be different than it was in that moment, but it was so special, so important, so consuming for him that evening, that it was all he wanted to do. He mentioned it no less than 20 times, and as soon as we got home he asked when we could do it again.
To say the least, I was honored. Overwhelmed. Flattered. I was also learning. Learning the importance of that time, not just stealing a few moments during Will's nap or in the car on the way to AWANA, but time that was scheduled in advance, set aside just for him and me, so he KNEW that it was my focus and plan rather than an afterthought. After dinner that night I took him to get ice cream and we walked around the outdoor shopping center, just having a conversation. He's such a big boy, so smart, and with so many thoughts and ideas in his head. He's trying to figure the world out and place all this information that's coming into his mind in the right mental categories, and I need to make an effort to help him make sense of it all. And I also need to allow him to figure some of them out on his own. But if I don't take the time to listen to him and talk with (rather than AT) him, he'll go somewhere else for that help.
So mothers, date your sons. Fathers, date your daughters. Parents, spend time with your kids one-on-one. I know you've heard it many times from many people, but I'm telling you now it's true. It's so important and you will never regret it. It'll be your best date ever.
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